is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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