Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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