Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My ATM looks so different sober.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
