Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
