I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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