Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize