I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
