he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
