How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
