i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
