I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm just crazy horny about you
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
