he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
