Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
