We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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