i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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