Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
