gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
