why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize