At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
