Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
