it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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