she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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