having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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