i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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