R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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