What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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