You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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