Your dad touched me again.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
