READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
