Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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