she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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