margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
