Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
