i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
