so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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