it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
