I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
