I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
