What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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