Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
