I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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