Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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