After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
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