turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
