you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
