I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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