He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
