i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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