Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
