Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize