Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
