It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
