the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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