And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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