i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize