Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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