wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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