do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
