woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
