they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize