Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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