Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He kissed a someone with a penis
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
