so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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