I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
