you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
