ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
