Michael Bay diarrhea
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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