My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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