He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
