yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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