I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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