You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
