it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Drake has all the answers
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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