Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize