i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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