yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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