you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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