She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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