Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
